So what do I want?

I have myself convinced that I could truly be happy if I could find the right available woman.

This in itself, is a sad statement - that my happiness is dependent on someone else.

But aside from that, assuming it is true, I doubt it will ever happen. I generally believe that at least 50% of the female population is a pain in the ass. So based on the fact that most of the good ones are already taken, that leaves me with basically 3% to choose from. So with those odds, I decided it just isn't worth it. So I remain unhappy, unfulfilled. I think what prevents me from doing anything is truly this: I am afraid I won't find the happiness I was so sure I would feel when finding the right partner. So it paralyzes me, and I do nothing.... a vicious cycle.