Rut Man

I have wasted countless hours the last few days trying to find anyone I can think of on the US Search website. I am amazed at how many people I used to know that do NOT live around here anymore. Pretty much most of them have moved out of town. One guy that I was friends with in high school who talked about going to Alaska someday has apparently done just that. A lot of others have gone on to live in warmer climates. I get sort of a sad feeling seeing that everyone has gone, and I have never left. I feel like I have missed out on something. I feel somewhat jealous. I don't know why I feel this way, but I do. I in many ways feel like I have never grown up. Sure I live on my own. But not having married, never relocated, being in the same job for 12 years (same company for 15), I really am pretty stagnant.

I guess I fear change. A friend of mine once called me "Rut Man", based on a comic strip character who was an average guy who was always stuck in a rut. I guess that is true. My life is sort of a big rut.

I don't want to seem ungrateful for what I have. I really do have a great life. I have a good job, a good house, family, a few good friends. I am fairly content. I still hold true to the belief that if I could find the right person to share everyday life with, I would have everything I need.... but I have yet to find her, or she is otherwise already spoken for (the good ones are already taken). Or she doesn't live here. Or maybe she doesn't exist....

ALRIGHT. ENOUGH OF THIS. I AM FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. I NEED TO STOP IT.