Total Apathy

I have come to realize I am truly an apathetic person. No, that's an understatement. I might be the most apathetic person in the world. Ok, that's an overstatement.... but I do feel that way these days.

I think I might have lost the one friend I have left in the world. We used to talk at least 3 times a week, but I think I have talked to her twice in the last 3 weeks. I'm sure I said or did something stupid, but I don't know what it is.... I am sure it has to do with my apathy. My apathy prevents me from being as good of a friend as I should be. For this, I am truly sorry.

I have lost almost 70,000 in my retirement accounts. Seems like it should be something to get upset about. Like really upset.... but I just shrug and say, Oh well, maybe I'll make it back eventually....

I realize this is most likely nothing but a defense mechanism to prevent me from getting hurt in some way. Pretty pathetic. But how do you make yourself care? I just don't feel like I have it in me anymore. I feel like I am 90 years old. Very very sad.